Grades are all in and they are better than respectable. Monster class is still monstrous, but I'm coping more successfully. I forgot, momentarily, that I need to be true to me. I have lots of truly talented and caring folks who want to help, but what works for them will not necessarily work for me. I'm just not a "hard ass". I'm a navigator, a negotiator... admittedly not the best management style for middlings, so I am adjusting. Highest grades are in the most collaborative classes, lowest grades are in those classes needing a warrior running the show rather than a teacher. Overall, far more are learning than not... so I go forward.
I am horribly homesick. Tends to go in cycles and is at its worst in the autumn. Temperatures are still in the 90s, rains have returned so vegetation is still green but tired, this community actively opposes Halloween. This week was a bad week for my daughter, she's been providing support for the other classrooms and their babies are popping like popcorn. As one of the teachers was leaving Thursday at about 5 she noticed one of the administrator's light on and stopped to say good night. Ellie is an older woman, one of Joy's surrogate moms. To make a long story short, she had a stroke! Gratefully, she was found in time. She is alive and taking nourishment and asking for her grandchildren. Joy walks in on Friday with no real lesson plan to this news. Nothing she can do but continue. She holds it together and calls me after school in tears. I can't do much except offer words of comfort and swallow my own jealousy. It's stupid! My children have always been encouraged to make family... I raised my children along with several other women, this isn't new or even out of the ordinary. But I am hopelessly homesick and it just makes it all worse. I really need to get a better handle on the "bloom where your planted" thing.
Gal pal just called and wants company going out to the flea market. Best thing to do is to keep moving and I have folks there I know and talk with regularly. I'm off!
Monday was busy... bond and determined to get the focus back on education. Had training today, not what I expected and not very useful (and worse yet I've 4 more days to waste), so I had to prepare stuff for the substitute. I always over-plan and do everything I can think of to make their life easier. I've had classes that prided themselves in running subs off in tears... had one young man walkout after only a single period last year... I have a rough crowd. Apparently things went well. No calls for help and she even left me her home phone for future reference. I am so pleased and proud of my middlings.
In need of some distraction I thought I'd fill out one of those on-line questionnaires, then I happened upon Steph's blog and decided, "Why not?!?"
I Am.... tired of being lonely I Want.... to go home I Have.... roughly 2 years worth of work before I can I Wish.... I could bloom where I've been transplanted I Hate.... selfish people I Fear.... being judged unfairly I Hear.... too many excuses, too many of them mine I Search.... for the real me I Wonder.... if I will have everything done so I can go home in 2 years I Regret.... living his illusion instead of my life I Love.... my children (biological & heart-line) and my friends I Ache.... for that could have been I Always.... wear a figa or ward I Usually.... put others needs before my own I Am Not.... as strong as I make people believe I am I Dance.... often and to the music in my head I Sing.... because it expresses what I feel and gives me pleasure I Never.... abandon those I love I Rarely.... just give up I Cry.... occasionally, a miracle because I didn't/couldn't for many years I Am Not Always.... very grown up I Lose.... my work I'm Confused.... by rationalizations I Need.... balance I Should.... be better organized
Every now and again EVERYTHING just falls on ya! This week it was my turn to be under the pile. I've been so focused on teaching, I was sloppy in my classroom management. Desks took the brunt of the vandalism, which really upset administration... my assets are only a year old. I asked for help with my monster class the week before, but what I got wasn't helpful...just the opposite. Grading period ends this coming Friday, so I was struggling to get everything graded and come up with a plan for those students who were failing. End result is the realization that I need to do it MY way. Just because something works well for someone else doesn't mean it will work for me. I am a navigator/negotiator not a warrior/enforcer. Bottom line is I'm too idealistic...I should expect them to be sneaky and underhanded, not just lazy. Oh, and I also have a major piece of professional paperwork due on Monday, which wouldn't upset me EXCEPT that while they make us do it as part of our evaluation for merit pay, no one with less than 5 years experience gets merit pay. So why all the stress! Oh well, new week - vandalism has been cleaned up...by me...updated plan encouraging success, paperwork is done and life goes on. Good news is I have one class with better than half the students earning A/B Honor Roll and they are not my smartest group! And with the exception of that one class, I have a less than 5% failure rate! I must be doing something right!
I took my niece and one of her friends to the theater last night. No, not the flicks, live community theater, a musical "Something's Afoot", a comedy, murder-mystery. The lead character was played by the woman who directs the children's theater. She was awesome! I didn't know she could sing and dance like that. I saw one of the minor characters this summer in "Pirates of Penzance" and was amazed at how much he has grown. His voice is stronger, range far more solid and he is clearly enjoying the work. He was pleased that I noticed when we spoke after the performance. He's been taking lessons and is actively working at perfecting his craft. The comic relief character stole the show...which isn't easy to do in a comedy! Flint is a dirty old man and Earl nailed it. If you watched "All My Children" back when Eric had a chauffeur, you've witnessed his incredible skill at character acting. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, as did the children. An evening well spent.
Best get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a pivotal day. Be well
This is wrong in so many ways! I hate that this is necessary... that my middlings are so easily manipulated into putting themselves in this position. Unfortunately, only the leaves were caught by this sweep. The two youngsters we have seen with large wads of cash, roughly 2 inches thick, that we suspect of being suppliers were clean. AAGGHH!!! This is so wrong! The worst part of this whole thing is that they caught one youngster I did not know about, never even suspected. I suspect she was trying to change her social standing and was just unlucky... or very luck depending on one's viewpoint. She is the only one of the lot that may be saved. The rest have already chosen their destiny and I fear this will be nothing more than a minor detour. At first I was angry... now I am just sad.
Monday is the first day of a new week... Life goes on and the universe will have its way.
No, I'm not talking about my middlings! We have a flock (or what ever one calls a group of about a dozen birds) of wild turkeys that show up on campus mid-autumn. I counted 13 birds, 4 of which must be this year's hatchlings. Having 4 survive is amazing... between the nest raiding raccoons, fledging eating hawks, owls, osprey and eagles, not to mention the gators... let's just say the odds don't favor reaching adulthood. These are not great majestic birds, rather scrawny and mangy looking really... but they are a real treat to see. They keep to the tall grass along the fence-line where they blend in and disappear into the undergrowth when threatened. Some days I wish I could join them... but not today.
