I feel so guilty.  I'm on my way to sell soaps and lotions and their are lights flashing in my review mirror.  Sweet young Hispanic sheriff was curious about my license plate.  I still hadn't put the Florida plate on, though I did have it in the front seat with me.  I handed the young man my license, registration and new plate, explaining I needed to buy a screw driver to change the plate.  He dives into his trunk, comes up with a screw driver and replaces the plate for me.  I thank him profusely and he tells me to be on my way.  I try to start the car and it just won't turn over.  He tries to jump it.  No joy!  Poor man had to push me off the road and into a parking lot!  At least it didn't start raining until 10 minutes later.  So now I have a Florida plate and a new battery... and I owe the universe a good turn.

Rest of the week was relatively uneventful.  Middlings and I spent most of the week preparing for their first big test.  I think they were reasonably well prepared.  Most didn't look totally demoralized when they returned their papers.  We'll see... 150 bad grades can ruin a weekend... MINE!!!  Next week we start exploring motion, or Beginning Rocket Science, as I like to call it.  Middlings always balk at the math necessary to describe it, but love the labs.  I love Physics!

Off to see what's going on in everyone else's world. 

Be well 

 Good day all,

Grades are out, inventory is done (or at least my part in it), tornado didn't hurt anyone and property damage could have been much worse, and best of all the nightmares have receded into the recesses of my mind.  Something must be rising.

This weekend is a weekend to catch up on grading lab reports.  They are so much work!  Preparing labs is expensive in time and resources (and I can't remember one that I didn't have to reach into my own pocket and buy something) and grading them takes a great deal of time.  But my middlings learn soooo much more from doing than from a reading a book.  Challenge is to help them actually get the point of the lesson, rather than just play.   I love the look in their eyes when they "get it". It's the reason I teach.

Oh and I get to catch up on everyone's lives... haven't been able to just sit at the computer and read all week long.  This will be fun.

Happy weekend.  Be well 

I’ve started this several times, much harder than I imagined.  So here goes...again

Why violent nightmares now?!?  I don't have the time or energy... no that's not exactly true.  I just don't want to!  But since when have I ever gotten what I wanted?  And to add insult to injury, I didn’t make to the bathroom and puked all over the hall floor.  Talk about having to clean up your own mess!

I've always had dreams.  They are where I work through problems, plan the future, resolve the past, push me to action, force me into awareness when I'm being dense, and generally get what I need to keep going.  They have never been predictive, which in this case is a good thing.  The nightmares are usually drawn from my past.  Life, at times, has been difficult and painful, and the nightmares relive and rework those times.  I never fought back... no that's not exactly true.  I fought back on three occasions, against people I didn't know.  The first was kind of silly.  I was in high school playing football with kids in the street.  A friend of a friend grabbed me wrong and I decked him.  I discovered I had a mean right upper cut.  Second time I was in college, life was wrong in oh so many ways; I'd buried my first child at 16 & miscarried 2 times after that, marriage was a mess... a mistake precipitated by pregnancy.  At any rate I was where I shouldn't have been, when I shouldn't have been, and not paying attention.  Some guy grabbed me.  I remember thinking, "Well why not, everything else is wrong."  Then I heard him and realized he thought I was a kid, a child.  I'm short, not 5 feet tall, and it was winter and I had on a big snorkel jacket.  You know how people say, "I just snapped."  They’re not lying!  It is real, a visceral physical reaction.  I don't remember anything until about half an hour later in a police car.  I almost killed the man.  Third time I was a two striper in the Air Force.  A Tech Sergeant  (5 stripes) grabbed me while I was working on an airplane. I cold-cocked him, the upper cut again.  No charges were filed; what supervisor wants to admit he's grabbed a subordinate, let alone that she laid him out.  So that's the sum and substance of my violent past… two lucky punches and a mental break when I was physically attacked… by a stranger.

So why am I dreaming about stalking, torturing & maiming!?!  I am a navigator by nature, not a warrior.  I negotiate, mediate, occasionally manipulate (and that seldom rising to the level of  coercion).  NEVER VIOLENCE.  The faces change & only 2 are recognizable, an old political nemesis I haven’t thought about in years, and my ex-husband.  My daughter says this is me finally refusing to be a victim.  But that doesn’t make sense.  Being the object of Harry’s ire made me angry, even frightened because of his size (a foot plus taller & easily twice my weight) and intellect (bona fide MENSA member).  But he was disliked, disrespected, and distrusted by almost everyone.  He was a rouge, a troublemaker, but really no threat.  He did go after my daughter during convention, which really upset me, but the high and powerful took care of things quickly and quietly.  And I haven’t even thought about him in years, old news… why now?  

Ex is still a work in progress, but I never defined my situation as that of a victim.  I made a choice and I took responsibility for it and lived with it.  Reality is, because so much of life was an illusion I created and maintained, I had a great deal of control.  True I didn’t it expect the divorce and I certainly never suspected the truths that it revealed… OK revenge makes sense.  I’m still struggling with sorting out how I feel, which changes from moment to moment.  I ran because I knew I was too easily manipulated by him and I didn’t want, no couldn’t, continue the illusion.  I’ll own that I am angry, I walked away with all the stuff (house, which I was forced to sell), money and stuff but lost my life and large portion of my identity… which in retrospect is not a bad thing!  I’ve been rebuilding my identity for the past few years and I’m fairly sure I will be successful in rewriting the illusion.  I’m actually looking forward to that.  He has always been about appearances and his greatest fear is being alone, my waking fantasies involve large doses of history from my perspective, not physical violence.  Public humiliation is so much more effective and lasts soooo much longer than violence.  I know my feelings will continue to evolve… would be nice if I could just feel nothing where he is concerned.  That’s difficult considering he is still the father of my children and they still want him to be the illusion we created while they were growing up.  But physical violence will not fix any of this.  Why the violence?  I haven’t slept well in a week and I’m afraid to lay down.  This makes no sense!!!

Situation is made worse by the emotional climate at school.  We’ve had 3 fights in as many days.  I was present for 2 of them.  And all three of them involved at least one of my middlings.  We’re seeing lots of chest thumping and other posturing, though the majority of students are treading carefully and working hard at flying under the radar.  But the overall amount of aggressive energies is fairly small… most of what I’m picking up is watchfulness with the expected amount of wariness.  No, this is definitely not the source, though it is undoubtedly an additive influence.

I’m at a loss.  I suppose I could work at burying this, but I’d rather work it through and be done with it.  Regardless, the universe will have its way.

Be well

I've been eyeing this thing for a month, since it came in, and today I broke down and bought it. Not in my budget, but it warmed to my touch and I just have to have it. About 6 inches in diameter mostly cherry, with clear & translucent aspects. It just draws me in. Mediating has not been very effective as of late, sure hope this helps focus my efforts.

Classes have settled into a pattern. Four of the six are quite manageable, students are motivated and willing to put forth an effort. The remaining two are varying degrees of ugly. The worst part is that while those who won't "play school" are in the majority, there are students that are trying to learn. Unfortunately, I spend the bulk of my time managing behaviors instead of teaching. Guess I'll just try something different. The print shop is also behind just shy of a week (broken technology). They were going to work this weekend to try and clear the backlog. They do the best they can, but the beginning of the year is always a challenge under the best of circumstances, being short a high speed copier just isn't fair.

I'm for bed. Medium size storm went through playing havoc with the barometric pressure. Nerves are still on fire. Tomorrow could be a long day.

Be well

Oh how these made me laugh!  Hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll need to pee like a race horse. 

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions. 

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. 

5. Law of Alibi: If you tell the boss your were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you WILL have a flat tire.

6. Vitiation Law: If you change lanes (or lines) the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time!).

7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring. 

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that the machine won't work, it WILL.

10. :aw of Biometrics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach required to scratch it. 

11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest away from the aisle will arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee: AS soon as you sit down with a cup of coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee gets cold and no longer.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in the locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on the floor are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the covering.

15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. 

16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Any you can add to the list?

Happy weekend to you!